Excuse Me???

Codependent relationships are a bitch! I say this looking from the outside in of course. When I was smack dab in the middle of “them” (took me awhile to catch on) I thought that I was just being nurturing…miserable, but nurturing. I was wrong, plain and simple.

So, how in the hell did I manage to keep choosing guys who were addicted, mentally unstable or just plain emotionally unavailable? Or, were they choosing me? They could see me coming a mile away. I’m convinced that there was a sign on my head written in ink that was only visible to these losers. It said “If you are emotionally unavailable, I’ll take care of you!”

Now, I realize that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. My self esteem was in the crapper for years. This sent me on a quest for fulfillment and happiness in a man (like that’s gonna work). “Real” men could sense my desperation and went running for the nearest exit, with me in rapid pursuit. That left me with; you guessed it, guys with big “L’s” on their forehead. Too harsh?? Shall I share what prompted this tirade? An ex-boyfriend, key word here being ex, has been asking for my help lately. He is going through a rough patch but “we” are not. There is no "we". When I got a phone call and told him “No” he wanted an explanation. Excuse me? Since when do I have to have a reason to "just say no?"

Now, at half-a-century old, I hope I’m finally getting it. I propose that the word fulfillment be replaced with “self-fulfillment” since the only real lasting source of fulfillment is self.